why do people make viruses like why do you have to be an asshole
my mom tried to teach our goats to pee in one certain spot by giving them treats when they’d pee in that spot
they think that now whenever they pee they get a treat
so whenever they see my mom
laughed for a solid five minutes
behaviorism gone wrong
Pavlov is laughing in his grave
when there are people who consider you their friend
when there are people consider you their best friend
when there are people who consider you their family
when you’re in a bad mood and your friend is trying to cheer you up
- operator: 911, please hold.
- me: stop murdering me for a sec; we're on hold.
- murderer: ok
it’s so cute when you talk to someone a lot and you notice your phrases slowly slipping into their vocabulary